Book Review – Start a Religion, Stay Out of Jail and Other Absurd Tales by Logan J. Medland

About the Book

Front cover of Start a Religion, Stay Out of Jail and Other Absurd Tales by Logan Medland

Pets: do they secretly hate us? Could starting a religion allow one to live one’s entire life as a tax write-off and are the cost-to-benefit ratios worth it? What if the donut shop around the corner stays open all through the sleepless nights and its only patrons were every person you’ve ever known? Could this indeed be heaven?

What happens when the delivery driver falls in love with one of his customers? Is there redemption for the students who planned and executed their teacher’s demise, just to get out of doing their homework? Would you survive the apocalypse if you built the world’s most well-planned bomb shelter? Is simply surviving enough, or would you need trustworthy companionship as well? Is cheese the most perfect food?

Find out answers to these questions and so much more…

Format: ebook (142 pages) Publisher: Raw Earth Ink
Publication date: 20th October 2024 Genre: Short Stories, Humour

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My Review

A short story collection is like a ‘pick and mix’. Some stories you’re instantly drawn to and others you take a chance on. Some leave you wondering what you’ve just read. Others may scare the living daylights out of you, leave you tearful or have you chuckling away to yourself. Some may involve familiar situations, others things that would never occur in real life. Or perhaps they could?

I think it’s fair to say the stories in this collection cover just about all the things I’ve listed above, with the emphasis on the absurd. Indeed the author invites you to ‘unmoor yourself from reality and drift where these stories take you’.

One of my favourite stories was ‘The Man Who Delivers Flowers’. It’s actually the tender and surprisingly moving tale of a flower delivery man. As he makes his deliveries, he ponders the different situations in which people send flowers and the message their choice of flowers sends. Orchids for ‘the daring’, gerbera for ‘the connoisseur’, ivy for ‘the pragmatic’, bleeding heart ‘only for the manic’. Declarations of love, cravings for forgiveness, expressions of sympathy, he delivers flowers that represent them all. ‘How many of you can say you experience this much exaltation, this much despair, and this many triumphs in one day on the job?’

Another story I enjoyed was ‘The Icebox’ in which a man who has previously seen no need for one purchases an icebox and it ignites in him an overwhelming desire to acquire possessions.

The story that gives the book its title sees two men invent a religion, along with all its trappings such as robes, ritual chants, ceremonial sacrifice and sacred works containing the teachings of an invented prophet, the great Zanthus. The contents of the latter the narrator freely admits he borrowed from Thus Spake Zarathustra and The Lord of the Rings. After initial success, it also goes downhill and the pair find themselves left with only ‘useless followers – the meek, the lame, the peacemakers’ and longing for their previous obscurity.

In ‘After The Bombs’, two friends retreat into a labyrinthine nuclear bunker they have constructed designed to provide them with everything they need to survive for forty years. An ‘underground ark’, it contains the means to sustain livestock and grow food. A vast library contains books to provide entertainment and spiritual wellbeing as well as of a practical nature: manuals on how to wield a pick axe, maintain a reactor, and shoot a deer with a bow and arrow. To while away the time they plan to master the fine cuisines of the world or learn to play the works of Stravinsky on the grand piano. It’s not long however before things begin to go wrong. They start to get on each other’s nerves and cordon bleu meals are replaced by convenience foods from the freezer. Our narrator starts a newspaper but soon most of the articles concern the failings of his friend. It’s downhill from thereon.

If you want absurd, how about the final story ‘The Cheeseman’ which features a superhero who proclaims cheese to be the only food in the universe that contains a single ingredient (you’ve guessed it, cheese) and whose powers include the ability to melt under extreme heat. Two children decide to put his claims to the test.

Start a Religion, Stay Out of Jail and Other Absurd Tales is an entertaining collection of stories.

My thanks to the author for my digital review copy.

In three words: Clever, witty, satirical
Try something similar: Normal Rules Don’t Apply by Kate Atkinson


About the Author

Author Logan J Medland

Logan Medland was born in Toronto and lives now in the East Village of New York. He makes his living as a music director, composer, lyricist, and librettist for the theatre. He is married to Brazilian artist and photographer Ana Cissa Pinto. (Photo: Amazon author page)

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Book Review – The House with Nine Locks by Philip Gray #TheHousewithNineLocks

About the Book

Front cover of The House with Nine Locks by Philip Gray

In post-war Flanders, Adelais de Wolf’s family is slowly, inexplicably, falling apart: her mother evermore lost to religious devotion, her father to alcohol. But with the death of a beloved uncle, Adelais finds herself in receipt of an unexpected legacy: a shuttered house in a rundown district and its contents – contents that hold the promise of independence and wealth. All that is required is application, nerve, and a willingness to break the law.

Adelais stifles her doubts and her fortunes are transformed. But with her rise come complications: her victimless crimes may not be as victimless as she supposed. Nor has she counted on the singular fanaticism of Major de Smet of the Federal Gendarmerie, a brutal detective who never forgives and never forgets.

Caught in a dangerous game of cat and mouse, will Adelais find that her new life comes at too high a price?

Format: Hardcover (416 pages) Publisher: Harvill Secker
Publication date: 23rd January 2025 Genre: Historical Fiction, Mystery

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My Review

I loved Philip Gray’s previous book Two Storm Wood set in the aftermath of WW1 which as well as depicting the horrors of war had elements of a thriller. This time we’re in Belgium in the years following WW2 with a story that is much more of a historical crime mystery but no less compelling.

Adelais, partially disabled by polio meaning she must wear a leg brace and use a stick, is a determined young woman. Her parents are each increasingly absorbed in their own mental turmoil for reasons she does not fully understand. Her father is neglecting his business and has turned to drink, and her mother has embraced a life of prayer and good works in an effort to seek forgiveness for some unknown sin. Only her Uncle Cornelius recognises Adelais has the necessary spirit to overcome the obstacles she faces, setting her challenges such as learning to use a handcycle. He describes them as kindred spirits and treats her as a kind of protege, seeing in her a strength of will her parents seem no longer to possess.

Adelais’s success gives her the confidence to tackle other challenges, such as learning to dance, although she also has another very particular reason for wanting to do this following a chance encounter. That encounter gives rise to a friendship and a shared dream but one which will require a huge amount of money to achieve. The property she inherits on the death of her uncle which, curiously, given its rundown state is protected by nine sturdy locks and latches, offers a means to achieve this. She sets about acquiring the skills required with the dogged determination her uncle must have hoped and planned for. It’s an activity that involves months of practice to achieve the necessary degree of perfection and, having mastered it, Adelais embarks on a criminal enterprise with the help of her friend Saskia for whom the whole thing is something of a lark. They have success beyond their wildest dreams but slowly things begin to fall apart.

Meanwhile Major de Smet of the Federal Gendarmerie is obsessed with a crime that has frustrated his efforts to solve it for years. It’s become a personal crusade, one he approaches with fanatical zeal spending hours poring over evidence he has accumulated and trying to detect patterns that will lead him to the culprit. His life in other respects has been a failure but solving this could bring him the recognition he craves. His superiors have come to think of it as a lost cause and a waste of police time but he’s determined to prove them wrong.

Although we always know more than both characters, the tension comes from Adelais never realising quite how close she becomes to being discovered and de Smet never quite realising how close he is to solving the case, or how easy it is to be distracted by prior assumptions.

By this time in the book you may have forgotten the events of the opening chapter but in a series of revelations we discover the answers to many things. It’s a brilliantly constructed bringing together of many threads in the story. But for Adelais, it sheds an entirely new – and unwelcome – light on the enterprise she has been engaged in leaving her with some difficult moral choices.

The House with Nine Locks is an enthralling historical mystery. I loved Adelais and the skilfully crafted plot kept me turning the pages, including looking out for the items that feature on the cover. (If you follow Philip on X or Bluesky, you’ll find other pictures relating to places and events in the novel.)

I received an advance review copy courtesy of Vintage via NetGalley.

In three words: Compelling, intricate, suspenseful
Try something similar: The Housekeepers by Alex Hay


About the Author

Author Philip Gray

Philip Gray studied modern history at Cambridge University, and went on to work as a journalist in Madrid, Rome and Lisbon. He has tutored in crime writing at City University in London and serves as a director at an award-winning documentary film company, specialising in science and history. He lives in London.

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